An update from Matt and Heather:
Please continue to pray for every area of this process so that we have favor in the eyes of the caseworker to clear us for home! Otherwise, as the state dept notified us today, it could take ’90 days plus several more months to investigate.’
We probably won’t hear anything until Wednesday soonest, bc I can’t guarantee the Embassy would respond tomorrow. They usually take about a week to respond….we will pray and wait! We don’t feel the need to call any other reps or govt. connections yet so please hold off on any action and just pray!!
Heather & Matt”
After reading that, how shallow am I for having a bad attitude while living in my cushy home in the states? Alas, it’s true. So, for those of you wondering what this is: We’ve been talking about the rough stuff of marriage the past month, and I’ve documented my thirty day attempt at having a better attitude. This is not in real time. The “Days” represented are from a few months ago…but they are very real, probably TMI at times, but I connect with real. I like real. Don’t you?
6am- baby wakes up. As reward for being such a fabulous (ehem) researcher last night, I figured it would be okay to ask subject to get up with baby. He has slept in the past several mornings and I think I deserve a break. Subjects response: Why ME?
Day three getting off to an awesome start.
12 pm-Subjectâ€™s day off, but stressed about work. I offer to take kids while he works in home office. Points for scientist, I am being sooooo supportive! I deserve an award for this.
12- 5pm: Not sure why I thought above was a good idea. Frustrated with kids, havenâ€™t had a break in days. Gotta work on my Mothering-attitude after this Marriage-attitude experiment is over.
Data Gathered: Am slightly obsessed with fairness. Why this need to have everything equitable? Can I give 100 percent without expecting anything in return? I donâ€™t know if thatâ€™s possible. But, I want that to be my attitude.
8am: Subject gave me a card that said, â€œI love us.â€ That was enough to get me through today. (If any men anywhere are reading this–it doesnâ€™t take much.)
5:30 am- I will wake up happy. I will. When my kids come in at 5:30am asking for orange juice, I will be pleasant. I will be kind. I will not yell at them to GET BACK TO YOUR ROOM AND GO BACK TO BED or WAKE UP YOUR DAD. HE HASNT BEEN UP ALL NIGHT WITH THE BABY! I will not. I will say, â€œSweet angels. I love you. But it is too early. Please
for the love of all things holy precious cupcakes, go back to bed.”
I will practice patience even when they wonâ€™t return to bed. I will start my day praising God for my little ones, because one day they wonâ€™t wake me up. One day, they will be teenagers who sleep in til 11am and I’ll be desperate to wake them and ask if they need some orange juice.
3pm –Todayâ€™s Attitude Adjustment has become about the kids. Kids have surprised me. Mothering has thrown me through a loop. I’m just not sure I was prepared for something that would constantly throw me up against my own sinfulness and impatience. I tend to look back at the end of each day full of regretâ€”full of moments missed or of words spoken too hastily, too sharply. At night, I walk into my kids’ room and look at them with a heart full of melting butter, praying over them, oohing and ahhing. During the dayâ€¦.itâ€™s not always that pretty.
Patience, Playfulness, Presence, and Peacefulnessâ€¦these are the attributes I long to have towards my family.
I am deeply loved by God in spite of my ugliness. Can that be enough to content my heart? God, please make it enough. Help me to love bigger and better. Help me cherish my Subject and my three little subjects out of the depth of your love for me.
6pm– Date Night tonight with Subjectâ€¦should be interesting