Dealing with kid-puke today. Isn’t that the worst? So, I am very thankful to guest blogger, Dana Weirich, for sharing her amazing story–the son she (and he) never knew existed…..
We’re starting to wrap up our series on marriage, and soon we’ll hear from all the single ladies, all the single ladies, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (I wonder what Beyonce would say if she knew how often I referenced her on this blog? She probably wouldn’t say anything. She’d sing it.)
“It was the day before Thanksgiving, two-years ago, when my husband Chuck and I received an email saying that the DNA was a match. The just-turned 14 yr-old boy was, in fact, my husband’s.
It wasnâ€™t a joke or wish-full thinking on the momâ€™s part. The boy she had carried for nine months, gave birth to, and named, was genetically half my husband. Chuck had dated this woman years earlier, and when she found out she was pregnant, she dumped him because he had a drug problem. When she started to look pregnant, Chuck asked her if the baby was his and she told him it wasnâ€™t. She told him to never talk to her again. Chuck moved away and they never had any contact. In October of 2001, he stopped using drugs and alcohol.
In 2010, Chuck and I had been married for 5 years and had 3 kids. We just discovered we were pregnant with number four! Around the same time, she reached out to Chuck, finally telling him that her son was his son. It turned out they had only been about an hour away all this whole time.
Meeting this woman was uncomfortable to say the least. Sitting at a table with my husband and his ex-girlfriend while they asked about each otherâ€™s parents and she showed us baby pictures… I hated every minute of it. I wanted to scream: This isnâ€™t fair! I didnâ€™t sign up to be anyoneâ€™s step-mom! Not that I have anything against blended families, I was just under the impression that I had married a man that had no kids.
I was no longer the women that given Chuck his first son. Our
first son, Charles John III, was no longer appropriately named. After all, who names their second
son after them? Was my husband sad about some missed life he â€œshouldâ€ have had with another women? Were we going to have to start giving our money to them? I had to go through a period of mourning what our â€œfamilyâ€ was, to come to an acceptance of what our family had become.
In those first months I was grateful for a community of women that I had grown to love in good times and that I learned loved me too, even in bad times. I was happy for a therapist that I could say anything to and most importantly, I was grateful for God. Even though I was feeling a lot of painful emotions the whole time, I was able to rest in the thought that everything is for His purpose–that this wasnâ€™t happening to our family for no reason. I said this over and over to myself: I know this hurts now, but Iâ€™ve been though enough dark tunnels to know Gods always there. Heâ€™s never just left me in the dark.
Today life is busy! My step-son has spent every other weekend with us since January 2011. It was a slow start. I remember feeling claustrophobic when he was at our house those first months. It was weird trying to bond and form a genuine relationship; we played a lot of games that first year. Now after two years, we have a special relationship, and I hope he would say the same (although probably not out loud, heâ€™s 16). We have inside jokes and shows we watch after the little kids go to sleep. We’ve been on vacation together and even recently had the privilege of going to Disney World. Chuck and I have a teen that sees us inside and outside of church, making it even more important that we are an example of God’s love always and not just on Sundays.
Today, I can honestly say that Iâ€™m so grateful for my stepson, and Iâ€™m proud to be his Step-mom.”