Lydia Brown is a gifted poet who has contributed some beautiful lines to my book. A few weeks ago I received an email from her, and she generously gave me permission to share it with ya’.
“Mini Story: The past few days, I’ve been experiencing some shame.
I had one of those moments where you gather that what you’re doing isn’t the best thing, but you reason it away as okay. Only after it’s over do you realize how bad it is, how sinful you are, and how much more is underneath the surface.
It was one of those moments where you know you need to look at your shameful action, call it what it is, and possibly apologize for it, but all you really want to do is anything BUT acknowledge your shame.
(I personally want to wear dark, tattered, clothes- a little early-Avril Lavigne or something. I want to keep everyone at a distance. Runaway, not care, push… Be bold in my torn state and just stay there wearing my shame and hitting the world with it.)
It’s in these moments that I often find myself running to my favorite edgy and pained music. A lot of the songs involve receiving and giving heartbreak. As I was listening this time, thankfully, I was confronted with the sensation that ‘This is so far from satisfying. I’m bored.’
It seems there’s been a genuine switch in me where this running and reveling no longer feels like my best option, even if I initially feel like trying it.
I had the thought, ‘People need to write about shame.’ And particularly, I thought, ‘Christians need to write about shame!’ There’s a lot about pain in general, but what about the pain of shame?’ I am so glad you are writing this book.”
Lydia’s email reminded me how grateful I am to even be able to write this book — because we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Our shame loves to isolate us, and to breed itself and multiply in darkness. But when we bring our shame-stories to the light, when we share them with each other, shame has no choice but to shrink from the brightness.
I’m preparing to travel to do some speaking, so I’ll be off the blogosphere for a couple weeks.
But I’ll be back in July (with a brand new series for those who’ve been hurt by the church or have suffered spiritual abuse). In the meantime, feel free to keep up with me on twitter.
As always…live shamelessly!